'Tis the season...

Merry Christmas, dear friends!

On Christmas Eve, as I was driving home from a long day at the hospital, the overwhelming joy and reality of Christmas hit me yet again. This has been a different sort of Christmas for me - not the 1st away from home, but the first in the southern hemisphere! Have you ever tried to celebrate Christmas in July? I have been listening to Christmas carols while sunbathing... it is a strange thing! South Africans have never known a white Christmas, but on the 85 degree eve of the holiday, I felt like I was trying to trick myself into believing that it was the 24th of December!

I had been off for the day, but was running some errands and delivering babies to another home in the North of the city, when I got a call that one of our children was going to need to go to hospital to be monitored. I came straight home, put baby “S” in the car and headed to downtown Jozi. On the drive I began to see the stress on this poor baby. I could hear him breathing unbelievably fast, so I put my hand to his little chest to see how he was coping. This child’s heart was racing so I put a little more pressure on the gas pedal! When we got to the hospital, my little boy’s sats were so low that I could not believe he had been hanging on as long as he had! On oxygen he improved immediately, but it took hours for his heart rate to slow. He was exhausted and stressed and wanted the comforts of his dummy and his Auntie’s arms. So we sat... all day in casualty, waiting for a bed to be prepared for him in the ward.

Just after 7pm that night, one of our dear Aunties came to spend the night with him in the hospital. I kissed my baba and headed for home. On the way home, I caught a gorgeous sunset and the beginnings of a thunderstorm in the distance, and the Lord joined me for the ride home ;). I hope you don’t think I sound crazy when I say that, but car rides are often times where I have some of my best conversations with the Lord! Finally, the reality of the night hit me! My Jesus was God made man, sent as a tiny baby very like the one I had just spend the day cuddling. He was vulnerable and dependent, and all of my hope... the hope of the world, rested in that little Christmas gift. Thank you God for your sacrifice... thank you Jesus for your willingness! And thank you for the little Christmas miracle, now gaining strength in hospital.

I spent Christmas morning with my toddlers, who were beside themselves with excitement ;) We opened presents from “Father Christmas” and said happy birthday to Jesus! It was a blast. When they went down for their nap, Clair, her sister Holly, and I came home with one of 3 wee ones to spend a quiet-ish afternoon at home.

Kiddos “A” and “C” had been gifted Christmas dresses by their Auntie Stephanie (my friend who used to work here, if you remember) and I so when naps were finished I dolled up the girls for a video conversation with Stephanie. It was fun to catch up with her and I enjoy being able to help her keep the connection with these kids, whom she invested herself in for the years she served here. It was a fun time for her, both little girls, and Clair and I!

Clair, Holly and I then took the 3 babes back home, visited the gang at the baby house quickly and came home so that I could speak to my family! It was so wonderful to connect with them today. I enjoyed this Christmas with the little ones, but I definitely missed the special family times at home, that I cherish. Afterward, I made a Christmas dinner for Clair, Holly and I, which we enjoyed in our Christmas best, on our balcony, catching the last of the African summer sun for the night.

Happy birthday Jesus... I am undone by your tangible love and grace... the joy that accompanies life lived through you.

Merry Christmas, friends, and a Happy New Year!

Love and Blessings,

Beth

Adoration x 50...

Hi friends!

The week since I last wrote you has been a busy and wonderful one! It feels great to be back with my kids and I feel I am finally catching up to the various changes that were made in my absence. Many, many things are different within the house and programming, as I shared with you last week, and I am happy to be back here, advocating for the kids and to be a voice in decision-making.

So let me tell you about the kids!

I believe we currently have 7 small babies. All but 2 of them are new since I went home, so I’ve been popping in for visits as often as I can to get to know these new little blessings. They are sweet and cuddly and I adore each of them! We have a new supervisor in the program, an American volunteer named Nicole. She is highly trained in sleep training infants, among other things, and I am very excited to have her! We have one sickly baby boy at the moment. I am monitoring him and he is not terribly ill, but he is small, so please be praying for the recovery of baby “S”!

Our big babies are actually quite small at the moment! We are full in this department, with 12 babies, and many of them are on the younger side of the scale. Our oldest will be one in less than a week! He is a busy and mischievous little guy, with a charming smile and laugh. He is on the go and learning how not to bully the smaller kids ;) Bless him... he doesn’t understand why he can sit on top of other babies, but responds well to the word “no”! He needs lots of stimulation, but is really such a good boy. From there, we have just one other crawler at the moment and 2 who are on their way. We then have a few who are busy rolling, and finally some very young ones who are still working on head control! You can see that with that kind of developmental breadth, the Aunties are needing to be quite vigilant!

Our Starfish have grown so much! Just to refresh your memory, our Starfish program is for children with special needs (ie. cerebral palsy, fetal alcohol syndrome, delayed development due to premature birth or other, and children who are HIV+). They are such a testimony to the Lord’s goodness! The transformation in these children, from their admission to today is astounding! In some cases, almost unrecognizably so. I count myself so privileged to have been a witness the the work the Lord has done in each of their lives. In the next couple of weeks, I will be expanding on the story of one child in particular, but this program is full of little miracles!

And finally... our toddlers! We now have 8 toddlers in the house, possibly only 7 by the end of this weekend. We are moving forward with each of their cases and trying to find long-term or final placement where possible. The Lord has come through with some amazing opportunities for these kids and as for me, I am praying that each of these kids finds home in this season of transition. I am praying that the Lord makes a way for us to keep them as long as we need to, in order to see them into the arms of their forever families. The house is very quiet! That is my first impression when I go for a visit. Where it was once a little like wild kingdom, it is now quite mellow. The kids are still playful and wonderful, but we do notice that some of our gang have moved on. I notice it, and I believe the kids notice it too. Please be in prayer for these, especially. That they would remain secure in the midst of a lot of change, that we would see and meet their emotional needs (as they’re not always so easy to understand) as they are presented to us, and that the Lord would make a way for them to not just have different placement, but Forever placement.

In God's Hands...

Hi everyone,

I hope you’re all enjoying the Christmas season! After an 8 week stay in the US, I am back in South Africa and enjoying every precious minute with my babies. I loved being at home again for a short season. I was really ready for this break as it approached and it seems to have gone by in a flash! I spent many wonderful and refreshing days with my family and friends, and even so, in the end I always think I could use just one more. I count myself very blessed to have been able to spend some great afternoons with my Granny, before she went to be with the Lord on the 9th of November. For these precious moments and so much more, I am truly grateful.

As most of you know, I work with DoH in a volunteer position, and spent a good bit of my time at home following up with former supporters and gathering the necessary sponsorship to work here for another year. Each church or group I had the pleasure of sharing with was wonderful and a fruitful experience! The Lord has been good, yet again, in preparing the way for me to be part of His work in South Africa, and there are many throughout NC who have joined the work, both in prayer and in sponsorship! I was asked today by one of the Aunties if I am well-rested and ready to pick back up the pace of life with DoH. I had to laugh... while I have much more downtime in at home in NC than I do here, I never can seem to come back “well-rested”. I have anywhere from 6 to 8 weeks per year to spend with family & friends in the states and I tend to take full advantage! That being said, yes I am ready to pick back up the pace here in Jozi, and look after the little ones God has blessed us with at DoH!

I’d like to first say that there has been much reordering within the structure of our ministry in the last several months. My friend and colleague, Stephanie, returned to Canada in September and will begin training to be a nurse in January. As she made known her plans to leave, the Lord began to put it on my heart to fill her position within DoH. I was very hesitant to step in after her (big shoes to fill), but the Lord confirmed that this was His plan for me through scripture in Isaiah. I started volunteering as Baby Care Manager on August 1st. It is stretching, but the Lord is equipping me every day.

Many other changes are being made, and most have occurred during the time I was overseas. I am excited to be back with my children, but for now I am busy trying to catch up to all that is new. DoH has been struggling to receive the funding to maintain the ministry over the last year. One major change that has come from this state is that we are no longer able to run a program for toddlers. As many of you know, these children and this program have been incredibly special to me. Since my arrival back in the country just four days ago, I have seen two of our toddlers placed in other homes, my oldest boy was placed less than a week before I returned from the states, and the rest will follow until the program officially closes on February 1st. Our social worker is working very hard to make sure the kids have as easy a transition as possible, but it has been difficult for me to come to terms with this change. I know that the Lord has blessed us with each precious child in our care, and I know that when they leave our embrace they will never be out of His hands... still, it is difficult to understand. Decisions have been made and put into action, and for now I am glad to be back here, advocating for the children. It is my hope and fervent prayer (and I hope you’ll join me in it) that the Lord will provide a way for us to keep this program running, as it has met such an incredible need during its years of operation.

There is much to fill you in on, where the children are concerned! We have seen the Lord work in amazing ways in their lives over the last few months, since I last updated you. Because this entry is a bit long already, I will be writing again next week to share, in detail, about the babes!

This ministry belongs to, is sustained by, and exists to glorify the Lord. I am confident if we honor Him, we will see His provision in the right timing. Please be praying for each of the children in our care, for the staff as they continue to give of themselves, our leadership as we seek the Lord for His way for each of the kids, and the board, who carry the weight of final decisions as we walk through this season.

Much love and blessings,

Beth

When you've lost hope...

Maybe you remember me sharing about one of our HIV+ babies on this blog or when I visited your church when I was back in the US. We'll call her Star for the puposes of today's entry. If you have heard this story, I beg you to be patient with me as I recount her time with us.

I went with my friend Steph to fetch Star from the hospital last June. She was a few weeks old but so tiny. She had been born premature and her mother had decided she could not cope with the new baby and therefore wanted to sign for adoption. During her first few weeks with us Star remained quite small, but did start to pick up weight. I met with her mother, took her to court to sign her baby over for adoption, and then asked a million questions about her own life and Star's extended family, so that when she was older Star would be able to have some details about her birth family.

After Star was in our care for a few months, we began to be concerned about her. While she had picked up weight initially, she was now holding a steady weight and it was way below average for her age group. She also remained quite ill most of the time, on and off antibiotics for ear, nose, and respiratory infections. My friend and colleague, Steph, was out of the country on holiday for 6 weeks and during the first part of that break, Star's health took a turn for the worse. Our paediatrician came to our home to visit our kids and I brought her into the Dr, asking if there was anything we might be missing. As she was reviewing her file she did notice something missed. Star had tested HIV+, but for some reason her bloods had not been flagged as they normally are. No one was aware and she was a rapid progressor.

A few days later, Star stopped breathing in my arms. I put her baby seat in the front seat of my car and pinched her tiny thighs as I flew to the hospital to remind her to breathe when she would stop. I told the nurses I did not know her status... there is a tendancy to not fully treat a baby who is HIV+. She was released that same evening with meds for bronchial inflamation. When they had no effect over the next few days I rushed her back to the hospital. Our baby Star was admitted, a wasted version of herself from the month before. She wore a poly mask with oxygen flowing in at 15 liters per minute. Due to her status, she would not be intibated.

I prayed for a miracle. I prayed for her little body to be strong enough to fight its lung infection. She had to improve a little... the Doctors had done all they could do for her... oxygen, meds, and wait to see if she would start/keep fighting. I went to visit her everyday, praying for strength, for a change, for improvement, for peace as she was restless. She fought, but remained in this terrible condition for weeks. I talked to Steph who was in Canada and kept her updated on Star's condition. She hoped that Star would hang on at least until she was back in South Africa. Most days I was not sure she would.

But she did! She made it another week and another. She eventually even came off the poly mask and just had the "normal" progs through her nose. Steph arrived and then we would take turns sitting with her in hospital as much as we could squeeze it into each busy day. But then she got another infection. She began to have a runny tummy that would not stop and they could not find the source of the current infection. While she remained stable, she stopped eating properly and began to waste away again. Her brain became effected... her eyes would roll around and not always focus on you. I worried that HIV had won.

Here's a bit of honesty... I began to wonder what was best... do I pray for physical healing or Total healing? I asked the Lord at a time to please end her suffering... "If she's not going to survive this to please just take her home to Your loving arms now." Some amazing volunteers, a mother and daughter, arrived from Canada and they were desperate to see Star. The day before I was returning to the US for a 10 week stay we went for a visit and took Shirley and her daughter Kate-lyn. Don't judge me too harshly, but I thought I might be cuddling at my beautiful Star for the last time. Shirley, full of faith, prayed over her and whispered to Star that no, HIV was not going to win. She told her that she saw her a beautiful woman... she was going to survive. I turned my face away and wrestled with a surprizing amount of anger that rose from that statement. I hated watching our baby girl suffer!

But you know what... 7 months later, I come into work and greet this beautiful baby girl in the morning! She is amazing! Her health started to improve shortly after I was in the states last fall and she came home just a few weeks before I returned to South Africa. The first time I laid eyes on her gorgeous face I wept! Our little Star has taught me much about being a prayer warrior. I learned from her that I don't have to understand the Lord's plan, but He calls me to pray in Faith and without ceasing. I can never lose faith and I can never give up Hope... even when it may look bleak. Star beat the odds and survived. The Lord's plans are not always clear at times, but He IS ALWAYS GOOD.

The end of the story? We don't know. Her story goes on! When Star began her Anti-Retroviral Treatment her CD 4 (natural fighter cell) count was extremely low and her viral load was in the teens of millions! A second draw showed the viral load to have dropped to 77000, which was remarkable. As of last week, her viral load reads "Too Low to Detect". Can you believe it? Only God, friends! When you've lost Hope and you can't see what's around the corner, remember the courage and fighting spirit of our little Star, and look to the One who DOES see around the corner.

Love & Blessings,

Beth

Defending the weak & fatherless...

Today we admitted our 882nd baby into Door of Hope’s safe haven. At one year (to the day), our newest arrival weighs 100g less than she did the day she was born. For one hour today I sat across from this baby girl lying in her father’s arms, staring in disbelief as I watched her move only her eyes from side to side to follow the conversation. As we counseled her parents on how to make the right choices from today for their daughter, whether to consider adoption, foster care, etc... my arms ached to take this baby and run with her! With another child on the way, these parents were desperate to find help to look after this sweet girl, but I can’t help but wonder why it took so long to seek it! This child, who used to hold herself in sitting position, can now not even hold her own head. When I changed her nappy I counted every rib in her chest and tried to soothe her blistered bum. We’ve cleaned the wounds on her hands and ears where rats have begun to bite her. I believe she is loved by her parents and that is ultimately why they brought her to us today, but still I’m asking... how could they have let it get so bad?

I love the work the Lord has called me to. Every day is a gift (whether I realize it at the time or not), and I adore each and every tiny blessing He delivers to us. It is a day like today, though, that affirms and reaffirms the reason I am here, as difficult and as heart-wrenching as it can be - to “defend the weak and fatherless; to uphold the cause of the poor and oppressed. To rescue the weak and needy, and deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” Psalm 82: 3&4. Please keep our baby girl in your prayers and I’ll keep you posted on how she is doing. Steph has taken her to hospital now, where I hope they’ll sort out her emergent needs so that she can come home to us soon.

My toddlers continue to blossom, although I believe a lot has changed since I last updated you. Again, I need to keep the children't identities confidential and I am working on a system to help you know who's who. My little "Beauty" and our "Answer " were placed with their forever families while I was on leave in the states last Fall. I have only heard from "Answer’s" family, and she seems to be doing incredibly! My cheeky "Baldy" was returned to his family and I pray that things are going great for him as well. Just last week, our sassy "Gift" was also returned to her family! I am so pleased with this placement. The lady who will be her guardian seemed wonderful and "Gift" will actually be able to grow up with her 5 year old sister!

While I was in the states we admitted a 3 1/2 year old boy with special needs into our home. Due to some severe neglect, Arthur was a bit of a mess when he arrived but is developing beautifully now! Please be praying for him especially as he has a few hurtles to overcome. Puleng also joined the toddler group in December. He has been with us in the Big Babies department for a while and eventually outgrew it! Since his move, he has refined his walking skills and is even beginning to say a few words. "Trust" is well adjusted now and continues to grow wonderfully. He is so chatty! I love being able to carry on a conversation with my big boy now. "Treasure" is still a petite little baba, but he is keeping up with the rest of the bunch! He has quite a few words in his vocabulary now, but is sill mostly content to jibber jabber. I love sitting upstairs in my flat, listening to him chat downstairs. My "Happy" girl is the sunshine of my life! She is also saying quite a few words now, and is so silly! I love to pull into the driveway with Innocent after school and hear her calling me as I walk up the path, “Aba Bep!” My "Lucky" boy is my serious little man. He is so cheeky! He loves to be pursued... he’ll make you work for your smile, but its worth it every time!

And finally my "Virtue"... I just love my sweet 4 1/2 year old to pieces. I have now been with Door of Hope for just over one year and I have seen this boy grow from a depressed, insecure little boy who was wary of accepting love, to a happy, more secure little boy who races into your arms as soon as you come through the door. I love this child so much. Please be in prayer for him. His parents have stopped showing up for visits and it is hard for him. Please pray for grace as He deals with things and for wisdom as I help guide him through it.

While I was home in the Fall, I felt as though I were an expectant mom waiting on my own baby to arrive. The Lord had placed a baby boy on my heart and I began to pray for him and wait for him! When I arrived back in South Africa, I didn’t have to wait long... my boy, we'll call him J, made his entrance to this world on January 2nd and I brought him home from the hospital on the 4th! He is wonderful, and I love being his stand-in mommy for a while. He is supposed to be placed with his adoptive family in May and as much as it kills me to think of him leaving, please pray with me that things move on so that he can get home to his forever mommy and daddy.

Our baby houses are currently full, and we’ve only a few adoptions happening in the month of April! This is a big problem. We’ve referred about 2/3 of the babies that have come in over the last 2 months because we just don’t have the space for them. I’ll fill you in more on those circumstances with the next blog (which WILL be in the next few weeks), but for now please keep all our wee ones in your prayers.

Thanks for keeping up with all of us, and thanks for all you do to help this work go on, whether by prayer, funds, or moving to South Africa for a few months (my Leigh and her Dave). We are so blessed to have your support.

Love and blessings, Beth