Maybe you remember me sharing about one of our HIV+ babies on this blog or when I visited your church when I was back in the US. We'll call her Star for the puposes of today's entry. If you have heard this story, I beg you to be patient with me as I recount her time with us.
I went with my friend Steph to fetch Star from the hospital last June. She was a few weeks old but so tiny. She had been born premature and her mother had decided she could not cope with the new baby and therefore wanted to sign for adoption. During her first few weeks with us Star remained quite small, but did start to pick up weight. I met with her mother, took her to court to sign her baby over for adoption, and then asked a million questions about her own life and Star's extended family, so that when she was older Star would be able to have some details about her birth family.
After Star was in our care for a few months, we began to be concerned about her. While she had picked up weight initially, she was now holding a steady weight and it was way below average for her age group. She also remained quite ill most of the time, on and off antibiotics for ear, nose, and respiratory infections. My friend and colleague, Steph, was out of the country on holiday for 6 weeks and during the first part of that break, Star's health took a turn for the worse. Our paediatrician came to our home to visit our kids and I brought her into the Dr, asking if there was anything we might be missing. As she was reviewing her file she did notice something missed. Star had tested HIV+, but for some reason her bloods had not been flagged as they normally are. No one was aware and she was a rapid progressor.
A few days later, Star stopped breathing in my arms. I put her baby seat in the front seat of my car and pinched her tiny thighs as I flew to the hospital to remind her to breathe when she would stop. I told the nurses I did not know her status... there is a tendancy to not fully treat a baby who is HIV+. She was released that same evening with meds for bronchial inflamation. When they had no effect over the next few days I rushed her back to the hospital. Our baby Star was admitted, a wasted version of herself from the month before. She wore a poly mask with oxygen flowing in at 15 liters per minute. Due to her status, she would not be intibated.
I prayed for a miracle. I prayed for her little body to be strong enough to fight its lung infection. She had to improve a little... the Doctors had done all they could do for her... oxygen, meds, and wait to see if she would start/keep fighting. I went to visit her everyday, praying for strength, for a change, for improvement, for peace as she was restless. She fought, but remained in this terrible condition for weeks. I talked to Steph who was in Canada and kept her updated on Star's condition. She hoped that Star would hang on at least until she was back in South Africa. Most days I was not sure she would.
But she did! She made it another week and another. She eventually even came off the poly mask and just had the "normal" progs through her nose. Steph arrived and then we would take turns sitting with her in hospital as much as we could squeeze it into each busy day. But then she got another infection. She began to have a runny tummy that would not stop and they could not find the source of the current infection. While she remained stable, she stopped eating properly and began to waste away again. Her brain became effected... her eyes would roll around and not always focus on you. I worried that HIV had won.
Here's a bit of honesty... I began to wonder what was best... do I pray for physical healing or Total healing? I asked the Lord at a time to please end her suffering... "If she's not going to survive this to please just take her home to Your loving arms now." Some amazing volunteers, a mother and daughter, arrived from Canada and they were desperate to see Star. The day before I was returning to the US for a 10 week stay we went for a visit and took Shirley and her daughter Kate-lyn. Don't judge me too harshly, but I thought I might be cuddling at my beautiful Star for the last time. Shirley, full of faith, prayed over her and whispered to Star that no, HIV was not going to win. She told her that she saw her a beautiful woman... she was going to survive. I turned my face away and wrestled with a surprizing amount of anger that rose from that statement. I hated watching our baby girl suffer!
But you know what... 7 months later, I come into work and greet this beautiful baby girl in the morning! She is amazing! Her health started to improve shortly after I was in the states last fall and she came home just a few weeks before I returned to South Africa. The first time I laid eyes on her gorgeous face I wept! Our little Star has taught me much about being a prayer warrior. I learned from her that I don't have to understand the Lord's plan, but He calls me to pray in Faith and without ceasing. I can never lose faith and I can never give up Hope... even when it may look bleak. Star beat the odds and survived. The Lord's plans are not always clear at times, but He IS ALWAYS GOOD.
The end of the story? We don't know. Her story goes on! When Star began her Anti-Retroviral Treatment her CD 4 (natural fighter cell) count was extremely low and her viral load was in the teens of millions! A second draw showed the viral load to have dropped to 77000, which was remarkable. As of last week, her viral load reads "Too Low to Detect". Can you believe it? Only God, friends! When you've lost Hope and you can't see what's around the corner, remember the courage and fighting spirit of our little Star, and look to the One who DOES see around the corner.
Love & Blessings,
Beth
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