Handing Over...

Hello again, friends!

I cannot believe how quickly time is flying by at this point. It seems as though yesterday I had my calendar stretched out in front of me, trying to imagine what these final days were going to hold. At that point in time, my leaving Door of Hope and South Africa for a season was too surreal to comprehend and now my arms and heart ache every minute they are not with my children, knowing that there is so little precious time. Today was my last official day, though I will be taking every opportunity to spend time with my children and assist in training until I head to the airport! Until the last, I am enjoying every minute with my South African family!

I have been blessed with a season for training with Nicole, who is stepping in to fill my position as Children’s Manager, and Sara, who is our new Social Worker. Both ladies are wonderful and have a lot of life and practical experience as I’ve mentioned before. More importantly, they LOVE our children and know firmly that this is the place the Lord has called them to. I know I will leave here thinking, “Oh! We never talked about this!” or “I should have taken them here!” The truth is that they would have both done beautifully, even if I’d have thrown them out into the deep end! It blesses my heart to know my children will be managed by their wonderfully equipped hands and hearts.

I did not mention it in my last blog, but through Facebook and prayer chains, I requested prayer concerning a baby girl who was kidnapped from our home in Berea. Today, it has been two weeks since our sweet baby P went missing. Earlier this week, our Aunties in that house were called to come in and try to identify a woman. When they arrived at the station, they were informed that the docket had been misplaced. They were asked to give information again and came home very disheartened. We have all been praying for police department and the processes that are hopefully going on while we wait for news on our girl. When I heard that they were having to start the process over, I threw up my hands in frustration of typical faulty systems! We are learning to forgive. Forgive the person who took our girl and pray for their safety, forgive the police departments for taking their time and not acting in haste as we’d hope... please keep praying for this situation. Pray that baby P is safe and thriving and loved, pray with us that she is returned happy and healthy, pray that the Lord is glorified in this situation and that we can act in love the way He would in each situation we find ourselves.

“See how very much the Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1

It seems as though Door of Hope is reopening for toddlers. It was recently discovered that not having a program for toddlers meant that we were no longer able to take in children who are over the age of 6 months. This is due to a baby’s average wait for adoption being between 7 and 9 months. I believe that our toddler program was quite special and understand that there is a huge need in homes like ours to be able to grow with children and provide proper stimulation and love for kids who take a bit longer in the process to Forever Family. I am excited for this reopening, but ask you to please be praying for the beginnings of re-establishing this program. There are children at Door of Hope who will need this program very soon and for now it is still in a very visionary state! We will need to train the staff who will be overseeing it, re-design a living area for these children, and have the means to fund the running of it.

Door of Hope is also re-evaluating its position on running a program for children with special needs, our beloved Starfish. As you know, part of my journey home for nursing school is to be able to provide more specialized care to children like our Starfish. We’ve seen the Lord work mightily in each of their lives and in the end I think you and I understand that growth is growth, no matter how drastic or minor the improvement! The program is very dear to my heart, but for it to succeed it is in need of a leader with a calling, a vision, and a love for children with special needs. We have been praying for such a person for many months and there has yet to be anyone step forward to fulfill this position. It has caused the ministry to question whether or not it will be able to cope with such a program in the future. Please be in prayer for this program. Our Starfish know us as home and while I’d like to keep them forever, that season I’m praying for in my life has not yet arrived, and we want to have them in the best environment possible to help them continue to thrive. Many of them will be going for adoption in the next few months and I will continue to blog about those others who we can be praying for more specifically!

Speaking of adoptions, I am busy preparing for my very last placement with Door of Hope. On the 27th of this month, I am blessed to be handing over one of my special boys (one of my Starfish) to his forever mommy and daddy. My eyes are tearing just thinking about it, but I am so happy for my sweetheart! My boy with a song in his heart and rhythm in his every step... our little miracle baby! His family is perfect, and I am overjoyed that I will be able to see him to them.

We continue to welcome home new blessings, but at a much slower rate than in my previous years. This seems to be common throughout the city at the moment. I am not sure why there is such a decreased rate, but please join us in praying that people who needs us will find us.

I hope to write more in the next few days as I wrap things up here. On a personal note, please be praying for my transition as the Lord leads you. It is beginning to be very real and while I am excited about the next season, I am finding myself quite heartbroken to end this one :) Please be praying especially for good health so I can enjoy the rest of my time with my children and also for my finances, which are very tight at the moment. I am finding strength and solace in my Saviour, in whose presence is the sweetest joy.

“You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures evermore...” Psalm 16:11

Meet my friends/flatmates/family for the last few months. Jess (New Zealand) is left, followed by Lisa (Wisconsin), myself and Nicole (California). They have been such a blessing and have added so much joy to home :) Tonight we celebrated our last night together (we've much company until I go) with dinner, Hairspray (the movie) and Jess's homemade caramel popcorn! They are the best :) My dear friend Brooke is arriving tomorrow for the second time to serve the Lord through loving these children with me in my last few weeks. I am so thankful to have here on her way and to have her support through this big transition!

Thanks for stopping by to catch up on things this side of the Atlantic!

Much love and blessings,

Beth

Winding to a close...

Hi friends,

So much has happened since I last wrote on my blog that I am not sure where to begin! Be patient with me, I beg you! I want to fill you in on so much, but understand that if I were to give you all the details, in reading, you may find you’ve signed up for a novel.

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with JOY!" Psalm 126:3

In the months since I’ve written, we’ve seen many of our sweet children finally united with their forever families! We miss them in the home, but realize how blessed we are to have been part of each precious journey. We’ve also seen some new beautiful personalities enter the home and have fallen in love with each of them!

Meet some of the new little wonders of Door of Hope ;)

During the month of February we were quite busy with admissions and suddenly during the months of March and April, we had none! We are unsure as to why, but it seems that many of the homes like ours were experiencing the same lull in intake. For Door of Hope, with all of the changes happening within the ministry, we were able to concentrate on some of the restructuring, for which we’ve been transitioning for months!

In mid-April we welcomed a new couple, Mark & Sara, who will be serving the ministry in various capacities for at least 6 months. Sara is a trained social worker in the US, and will be filling the vacant position within Door of Hope. Since I have absorbed this position since February, I am SO relieved to have her here! We have been working closely together for the last month in training, and she is doing a beautiful job communicating with the mothers and other family members. She takes initiative and has a passion to fight for the best placement for every child who comes through our doors. We are blessed to have her!

Nicole, whom I mentioned in my last newsletter, will be taking over the position as Children’s Manager when I leave next month, and she is already doing a wonderful job! Nicole is a very gracious and compassionate person, with a lot of experience with babies! She is a certified Sleep Specialist, and before moving to South Africa she would become part of a family when a newborn entered the scene, to help the family adjust to a healthy sleep schedule. We have seen great improvements in our children since she introduced a new schedule, and I’ve appreciated the expertise she’s brought to the home! She also has a very pastoral heart, so I have enjoyed seeing our aunties benefit from her supportive nature. We’ve a lot more ground to cover in training, especially in regards to the Starfish program, so please be praying for the process as we continue!

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

Tuesday the 19th of April, I arrived at the baby house at 5:30 am to take my little Wildflower to HIV Clinic. When I got to the door, I was met by two frantic Aunties. They told me that they had just been phoning me when I arrived at the baby house... our beloved girlie with cerebral palsy was not breathing. When I arrived by her crib, I took one look at our sweet girl and realized she too, had finally reached her Forever Family. This was the event we’d been cautioned about since she arrived. My heart was thanking the Lord for the 2 1/2 years He’d given her, but as I scooped her up out of her crib for the last time my arms did not want to let her go. The Aunties and I remembered the time we’d been blessed with her and we thanked the Lord together in prayer.

The day that followed was hectic. I had to fetch medicines for my Wildflower even though she’d missed her appointment. We made arrangements with the undertaker, went shopping to buy a special dress for our girl’s memorial, and at the end of the day I had to go fetch my car from the shop where it had been for almost 2 weeks. When I got into the car I turned on the CD player for the drive home, overwhelmed by the events of the day. It was at that moment I heard for the first time, ‘Heaven Song’ by Phil Wickham. I listened and wept, while the Lord ministered to my heard through the words of this song...

“I hear your voice and I catch my breath.

‘Well done my child, enter in and rest.’

Tears of joy roll down my cheek.

Its beautiful beyond my wildest dreams.

I want to run in greener pastures, I want to dance on higher hills.

I want to drink from sweeter water in the misty morning chill.

And my soul is getting restless for the place where I belong.

I can’t wait to join the angels and sing my Heaven Song.”

It was so sweet, the image that came into my mind when I heard those lyrics. Our beautiful girl, who had been bound in so many ways by her earthly body, was free! She’d fought hard, taught us so much, added so much joy to our lives, and then the Lord rescued her. In the days that followed, I felt like the He’d come to fetch our baby girl so peacefully while she slept because He knew otherwise we’d still be fighting to keep her! Stephanie, who was scheduled for a visit to South Africa, arrived just three days after we lost our girl, and it was a precious gift to all of us that she was here to celebrate Nomthandazo's life with us.

"I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you." John 16:22

Please be praying for the entire staff of Door of Hope, especially those who serve our Starfish. The transitioning is happening everywhere in the ministry, and they have been greatly affected by it. I believe that we have recently been able to provide some stability in the programming, as well as some much needed support for the Aunties and Uncles who are loving these children and serving the Lord so well.

"When your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." James 1:4... We're working on it ;)

On a personal note, I do not know how I will manage to board a plane and leave these children I have been so blessed to be able to love in Christ’s name for so long. However, I know that the next steps are part of a wonderful journey I’ve been on for a long time, and that they are building blocks for the work the Lord has placed on my heart for the future. That, I can rejoice about! I am SO looking forward to some time at home with my family and friends, even though school again after eleven years seems a bit daunting! Haha! Please be praying especially for my health, if you will, and also in the area of finances. Right now things are extremely tight, and there are some major expenses to consider as I leave. I am believing the Lord for the provision to complete what needs to be done before I head home, and He hasn’t yet let me down ;)

Thanks for your prayers and for checking in to read up on life & ministry with my babas at Door of Hope!

Much love and blessings,

Beth

Hi friends,

I was busy congratulating myself for writing so frequently and realized last week that it will have been a month! Time sure flies in this life.

Last time I wrote, I had been enjoying a more relaxed schedule over the holidays and was bedridden with flu! When I began to feel better early into the new year, I quickly picked up the old familiar and BUSY pace of life with my babies at Door of Hope. I've celebrated birthday number 29, which means I have begun my 30th year of life! You know how it is (if you've hit the mark)... there's something about the approach that kinda makes you evaluate your life. The Lord is busy enlightening me with new hopes and dreams for the future and as it turns out... year #30 is going to be a pretty exciting one, I think!

I have so loved the return to my little blessings in Johannesburg. At the same time, with all of the transition that I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, it has been a BIG challenge. Our social workers have been working hard on the toddler cases and though great progress has been made, we still have five children in the house. In light of this, we’ve fortunately been able to slow the program’s closure down and focus on the right placement for the kids. They have been with us for years in some cases. For many of them, the obstacles in front of them as infants remain, and moving through the legalities is very time consuming. Please continue to pray for each of our oldest who remain: boys “A”, “T”, “D” and “little A”, and for our sassy girlie “P”. Adoption is still the preference for each of them, but fostering will also provide a family environment which would be superior to being transfered to another home. They are affected by the changes happening around them, and your prayers would be very much appreciated during this time. Pray that they continue to feel loved above any other emotion they may be experiencing as things change all around them. Pray that God will protect their hearts and continue to remove those obstacles set before them.

On the 17th of January we received another precious blessing through our baby bin. This baby girl was in dire medical condition and was rushed straight to the hospital by my colleague, Lindsay, as I was in Pretoria doing a handover with two of our children. When I walked into her room in the hospital, the Lord broke my heart for this baby girl. At 14 months, she was weighing in at only 9 lbs. She was malnourished and very ill. The Lord had placed a name on my heart and I had been expecting a tiny little girl to arrive and take it. The moment I laid eyes on her, I knew this was the beautiful girl I had been waiting for! Early on she was battling, catching one thing after the other and there were times it did not LOOK like she would make it. I prayed my Lord, who does not consider the odds and ask for daily strength for her. He has provided lavishly for his little daughter... today I finally brought our baby girl home! Her first name means “wildflower” or “beautiful” and her middle means “gracious gift of God”. More and more each day I see the flower part of her heritage presenting itself... she is blossoming every day before my eyes. Below are pictures of my girlie over the last few weeks... I’ll say it again, the Lord is so good! She has joined the Starfish, where I know she will continue to bloom and thrive!

We have had a SUPER busy week. In the last 7 days, we brought home 7 new little wonders - 3 newborns, a one month old, and 3 month old twin boys! Some have some definite hurtles ahead of them, but they are all such beautiful blessings! We are now one baby away from capacity and while that is exciting, it never feels good to be full. Our big babies and even some of our Starfish are ready for adoption, but there are major hold-ups now somewhere in the progress. Its wonderful to have our children as long as we need to, BUT there are Forever families out there ready to welcome these little ones home.

That being said, I am very grateful to have handed over 6 of our precious babas to forever mommies and daddies since the start of the new year! Please continue to pray for the procedures - that things will be done in a timely fashion so that these kids can get home!

I hope you’re all enjoying the new year! I can hardly believe it is already February... time flies. Thanks for checking on the kids! I’ve MUCH more to say, so I’ll speak to you soon.

Love and blessings, Beth

Happy New Year!

Hi friends,

I hope your 2011 has been a good year so far! I have unfortunately been quite ill since it began. I am thankfully coming around now, and seem to be on the mend. Praise the Lord for that! I’ve a lot of work to do here, and love my babes too much to miss a day with them!

Due my having spent many of the days following Christmas in the bed, I don’t have VERY much to share. But I’d love to give you a glimpse of a very special day which occurred just 2 days after Christmas. We celebrated the 3rd birthday of one of my precious toddlers. To be honest, on his actual birthday, I was out working and did not even realize the date until I was hugging him before bed that evening! I was so sad... however, the next day Clair, Holly, and I fetched him and another wee one and ventured out for a day at the zoo!

When we got in the car I said, “My boy, we are on our way to the zoo to see the animals!” He said with a smile, “Yes! We’re going to see the elephants and the giraffe!” And we did ;) We got to see many wonderful animals and enjoyed day out in the hot summer sun! He got to have a hamburger with chips (mostly ketchup, I think) for lunch and was treated to a bit of flavored ice. He told me all kids of interesting “facts” about the animals we were seeing... we all had a blast!

When we arrived back home, we were able to celebrate his birthday with the rest of the crew at the toddler house. We still have 7, until later this month. My birthday boy danced while we sang, blew out his three candles, and LOVED his chocolate-frosted cupcake. All the kids enjoy a birthday... it means CAKE! Afterwards all the kiddos went for a swim. I had a blast splashing around with my crazy bunch. It was a very special day for all of us. The Lord has done a beautiful thing in his life so far and I know He holds the future of my sweet boy... much to celebrate!

I began to feel ill the next day and spent the days leading up to New Years on the sofa or in my bed! Holly returned back to the UK and she is missed in our flat. It was a joy to meet Clair’s sister and to have her become part of the ever-widening Door of Hope family. On the 31st, I had arranged a night out with some of the volunteers. We met for dinner at a place called Gourmet Garage for delicious, American-style hamburgers! I say that, but one of the team members braved the “Peanut Butter Burger”. I’m pretty sure thats not anything I’ve ever come across back home! He actually said he liked it?!

It was a super fun night and I was glad to be out with the group. However, as dinner came to a close around 10, I knew I was not as well as I had hoped! Clair and I returned home and rang in the 2011 in dressed in nothing fancier than pajamas, while watching Alias. It was a great night!

Thanks for popping over to read! I pray blessings on your new year, joy and excitement for whatever the Lord holds for you!

Love & Blessings,

Beth

'Tis the season...

Merry Christmas, dear friends!

On Christmas Eve, as I was driving home from a long day at the hospital, the overwhelming joy and reality of Christmas hit me yet again. This has been a different sort of Christmas for me - not the 1st away from home, but the first in the southern hemisphere! Have you ever tried to celebrate Christmas in July? I have been listening to Christmas carols while sunbathing... it is a strange thing! South Africans have never known a white Christmas, but on the 85 degree eve of the holiday, I felt like I was trying to trick myself into believing that it was the 24th of December!

I had been off for the day, but was running some errands and delivering babies to another home in the North of the city, when I got a call that one of our children was going to need to go to hospital to be monitored. I came straight home, put baby “S” in the car and headed to downtown Jozi. On the drive I began to see the stress on this poor baby. I could hear him breathing unbelievably fast, so I put my hand to his little chest to see how he was coping. This child’s heart was racing so I put a little more pressure on the gas pedal! When we got to the hospital, my little boy’s sats were so low that I could not believe he had been hanging on as long as he had! On oxygen he improved immediately, but it took hours for his heart rate to slow. He was exhausted and stressed and wanted the comforts of his dummy and his Auntie’s arms. So we sat... all day in casualty, waiting for a bed to be prepared for him in the ward.

Just after 7pm that night, one of our dear Aunties came to spend the night with him in the hospital. I kissed my baba and headed for home. On the way home, I caught a gorgeous sunset and the beginnings of a thunderstorm in the distance, and the Lord joined me for the ride home ;). I hope you don’t think I sound crazy when I say that, but car rides are often times where I have some of my best conversations with the Lord! Finally, the reality of the night hit me! My Jesus was God made man, sent as a tiny baby very like the one I had just spend the day cuddling. He was vulnerable and dependent, and all of my hope... the hope of the world, rested in that little Christmas gift. Thank you God for your sacrifice... thank you Jesus for your willingness! And thank you for the little Christmas miracle, now gaining strength in hospital.

I spent Christmas morning with my toddlers, who were beside themselves with excitement ;) We opened presents from “Father Christmas” and said happy birthday to Jesus! It was a blast. When they went down for their nap, Clair, her sister Holly, and I came home with one of 3 wee ones to spend a quiet-ish afternoon at home.

Kiddos “A” and “C” had been gifted Christmas dresses by their Auntie Stephanie (my friend who used to work here, if you remember) and I so when naps were finished I dolled up the girls for a video conversation with Stephanie. It was fun to catch up with her and I enjoy being able to help her keep the connection with these kids, whom she invested herself in for the years she served here. It was a fun time for her, both little girls, and Clair and I!

Clair, Holly and I then took the 3 babes back home, visited the gang at the baby house quickly and came home so that I could speak to my family! It was so wonderful to connect with them today. I enjoyed this Christmas with the little ones, but I definitely missed the special family times at home, that I cherish. Afterward, I made a Christmas dinner for Clair, Holly and I, which we enjoyed in our Christmas best, on our balcony, catching the last of the African summer sun for the night.

Happy birthday Jesus... I am undone by your tangible love and grace... the joy that accompanies life lived through you.

Merry Christmas, friends, and a Happy New Year!

Love and Blessings,

Beth

Adoration x 50...

Hi friends!

The week since I last wrote you has been a busy and wonderful one! It feels great to be back with my kids and I feel I am finally catching up to the various changes that were made in my absence. Many, many things are different within the house and programming, as I shared with you last week, and I am happy to be back here, advocating for the kids and to be a voice in decision-making.

So let me tell you about the kids!

I believe we currently have 7 small babies. All but 2 of them are new since I went home, so I’ve been popping in for visits as often as I can to get to know these new little blessings. They are sweet and cuddly and I adore each of them! We have a new supervisor in the program, an American volunteer named Nicole. She is highly trained in sleep training infants, among other things, and I am very excited to have her! We have one sickly baby boy at the moment. I am monitoring him and he is not terribly ill, but he is small, so please be praying for the recovery of baby “S”!

Our big babies are actually quite small at the moment! We are full in this department, with 12 babies, and many of them are on the younger side of the scale. Our oldest will be one in less than a week! He is a busy and mischievous little guy, with a charming smile and laugh. He is on the go and learning how not to bully the smaller kids ;) Bless him... he doesn’t understand why he can sit on top of other babies, but responds well to the word “no”! He needs lots of stimulation, but is really such a good boy. From there, we have just one other crawler at the moment and 2 who are on their way. We then have a few who are busy rolling, and finally some very young ones who are still working on head control! You can see that with that kind of developmental breadth, the Aunties are needing to be quite vigilant!

Our Starfish have grown so much! Just to refresh your memory, our Starfish program is for children with special needs (ie. cerebral palsy, fetal alcohol syndrome, delayed development due to premature birth or other, and children who are HIV+). They are such a testimony to the Lord’s goodness! The transformation in these children, from their admission to today is astounding! In some cases, almost unrecognizably so. I count myself so privileged to have been a witness the the work the Lord has done in each of their lives. In the next couple of weeks, I will be expanding on the story of one child in particular, but this program is full of little miracles!

And finally... our toddlers! We now have 8 toddlers in the house, possibly only 7 by the end of this weekend. We are moving forward with each of their cases and trying to find long-term or final placement where possible. The Lord has come through with some amazing opportunities for these kids and as for me, I am praying that each of these kids finds home in this season of transition. I am praying that the Lord makes a way for us to keep them as long as we need to, in order to see them into the arms of their forever families. The house is very quiet! That is my first impression when I go for a visit. Where it was once a little like wild kingdom, it is now quite mellow. The kids are still playful and wonderful, but we do notice that some of our gang have moved on. I notice it, and I believe the kids notice it too. Please be in prayer for these, especially. That they would remain secure in the midst of a lot of change, that we would see and meet their emotional needs (as they’re not always so easy to understand) as they are presented to us, and that the Lord would make a way for them to not just have different placement, but Forever placement.

In God's Hands...

Hi everyone,

I hope you’re all enjoying the Christmas season! After an 8 week stay in the US, I am back in South Africa and enjoying every precious minute with my babies. I loved being at home again for a short season. I was really ready for this break as it approached and it seems to have gone by in a flash! I spent many wonderful and refreshing days with my family and friends, and even so, in the end I always think I could use just one more. I count myself very blessed to have been able to spend some great afternoons with my Granny, before she went to be with the Lord on the 9th of November. For these precious moments and so much more, I am truly grateful.

As most of you know, I work with DoH in a volunteer position, and spent a good bit of my time at home following up with former supporters and gathering the necessary sponsorship to work here for another year. Each church or group I had the pleasure of sharing with was wonderful and a fruitful experience! The Lord has been good, yet again, in preparing the way for me to be part of His work in South Africa, and there are many throughout NC who have joined the work, both in prayer and in sponsorship! I was asked today by one of the Aunties if I am well-rested and ready to pick back up the pace of life with DoH. I had to laugh... while I have much more downtime in at home in NC than I do here, I never can seem to come back “well-rested”. I have anywhere from 6 to 8 weeks per year to spend with family & friends in the states and I tend to take full advantage! That being said, yes I am ready to pick back up the pace here in Jozi, and look after the little ones God has blessed us with at DoH!

I’d like to first say that there has been much reordering within the structure of our ministry in the last several months. My friend and colleague, Stephanie, returned to Canada in September and will begin training to be a nurse in January. As she made known her plans to leave, the Lord began to put it on my heart to fill her position within DoH. I was very hesitant to step in after her (big shoes to fill), but the Lord confirmed that this was His plan for me through scripture in Isaiah. I started volunteering as Baby Care Manager on August 1st. It is stretching, but the Lord is equipping me every day.

Many other changes are being made, and most have occurred during the time I was overseas. I am excited to be back with my children, but for now I am busy trying to catch up to all that is new. DoH has been struggling to receive the funding to maintain the ministry over the last year. One major change that has come from this state is that we are no longer able to run a program for toddlers. As many of you know, these children and this program have been incredibly special to me. Since my arrival back in the country just four days ago, I have seen two of our toddlers placed in other homes, my oldest boy was placed less than a week before I returned from the states, and the rest will follow until the program officially closes on February 1st. Our social worker is working very hard to make sure the kids have as easy a transition as possible, but it has been difficult for me to come to terms with this change. I know that the Lord has blessed us with each precious child in our care, and I know that when they leave our embrace they will never be out of His hands... still, it is difficult to understand. Decisions have been made and put into action, and for now I am glad to be back here, advocating for the children. It is my hope and fervent prayer (and I hope you’ll join me in it) that the Lord will provide a way for us to keep this program running, as it has met such an incredible need during its years of operation.

There is much to fill you in on, where the children are concerned! We have seen the Lord work in amazing ways in their lives over the last few months, since I last updated you. Because this entry is a bit long already, I will be writing again next week to share, in detail, about the babes!

This ministry belongs to, is sustained by, and exists to glorify the Lord. I am confident if we honor Him, we will see His provision in the right timing. Please be praying for each of the children in our care, for the staff as they continue to give of themselves, our leadership as we seek the Lord for His way for each of the kids, and the board, who carry the weight of final decisions as we walk through this season.

Much love and blessings,

Beth

When you've lost hope...

Maybe you remember me sharing about one of our HIV+ babies on this blog or when I visited your church when I was back in the US. We'll call her Star for the puposes of today's entry. If you have heard this story, I beg you to be patient with me as I recount her time with us.

I went with my friend Steph to fetch Star from the hospital last June. She was a few weeks old but so tiny. She had been born premature and her mother had decided she could not cope with the new baby and therefore wanted to sign for adoption. During her first few weeks with us Star remained quite small, but did start to pick up weight. I met with her mother, took her to court to sign her baby over for adoption, and then asked a million questions about her own life and Star's extended family, so that when she was older Star would be able to have some details about her birth family.

After Star was in our care for a few months, we began to be concerned about her. While she had picked up weight initially, she was now holding a steady weight and it was way below average for her age group. She also remained quite ill most of the time, on and off antibiotics for ear, nose, and respiratory infections. My friend and colleague, Steph, was out of the country on holiday for 6 weeks and during the first part of that break, Star's health took a turn for the worse. Our paediatrician came to our home to visit our kids and I brought her into the Dr, asking if there was anything we might be missing. As she was reviewing her file she did notice something missed. Star had tested HIV+, but for some reason her bloods had not been flagged as they normally are. No one was aware and she was a rapid progressor.

A few days later, Star stopped breathing in my arms. I put her baby seat in the front seat of my car and pinched her tiny thighs as I flew to the hospital to remind her to breathe when she would stop. I told the nurses I did not know her status... there is a tendancy to not fully treat a baby who is HIV+. She was released that same evening with meds for bronchial inflamation. When they had no effect over the next few days I rushed her back to the hospital. Our baby Star was admitted, a wasted version of herself from the month before. She wore a poly mask with oxygen flowing in at 15 liters per minute. Due to her status, she would not be intibated.

I prayed for a miracle. I prayed for her little body to be strong enough to fight its lung infection. She had to improve a little... the Doctors had done all they could do for her... oxygen, meds, and wait to see if she would start/keep fighting. I went to visit her everyday, praying for strength, for a change, for improvement, for peace as she was restless. She fought, but remained in this terrible condition for weeks. I talked to Steph who was in Canada and kept her updated on Star's condition. She hoped that Star would hang on at least until she was back in South Africa. Most days I was not sure she would.

But she did! She made it another week and another. She eventually even came off the poly mask and just had the "normal" progs through her nose. Steph arrived and then we would take turns sitting with her in hospital as much as we could squeeze it into each busy day. But then she got another infection. She began to have a runny tummy that would not stop and they could not find the source of the current infection. While she remained stable, she stopped eating properly and began to waste away again. Her brain became effected... her eyes would roll around and not always focus on you. I worried that HIV had won.

Here's a bit of honesty... I began to wonder what was best... do I pray for physical healing or Total healing? I asked the Lord at a time to please end her suffering... "If she's not going to survive this to please just take her home to Your loving arms now." Some amazing volunteers, a mother and daughter, arrived from Canada and they were desperate to see Star. The day before I was returning to the US for a 10 week stay we went for a visit and took Shirley and her daughter Kate-lyn. Don't judge me too harshly, but I thought I might be cuddling at my beautiful Star for the last time. Shirley, full of faith, prayed over her and whispered to Star that no, HIV was not going to win. She told her that she saw her a beautiful woman... she was going to survive. I turned my face away and wrestled with a surprizing amount of anger that rose from that statement. I hated watching our baby girl suffer!

But you know what... 7 months later, I come into work and greet this beautiful baby girl in the morning! She is amazing! Her health started to improve shortly after I was in the states last fall and she came home just a few weeks before I returned to South Africa. The first time I laid eyes on her gorgeous face I wept! Our little Star has taught me much about being a prayer warrior. I learned from her that I don't have to understand the Lord's plan, but He calls me to pray in Faith and without ceasing. I can never lose faith and I can never give up Hope... even when it may look bleak. Star beat the odds and survived. The Lord's plans are not always clear at times, but He IS ALWAYS GOOD.

The end of the story? We don't know. Her story goes on! When Star began her Anti-Retroviral Treatment her CD 4 (natural fighter cell) count was extremely low and her viral load was in the teens of millions! A second draw showed the viral load to have dropped to 77000, which was remarkable. As of last week, her viral load reads "Too Low to Detect". Can you believe it? Only God, friends! When you've lost Hope and you can't see what's around the corner, remember the courage and fighting spirit of our little Star, and look to the One who DOES see around the corner.

Love & Blessings,

Beth