When you've lost hope...

Maybe you remember me sharing about one of our HIV+ babies on this blog or when I visited your church when I was back in the US. We'll call her Star for the puposes of today's entry. If you have heard this story, I beg you to be patient with me as I recount her time with us.

I went with my friend Steph to fetch Star from the hospital last June. She was a few weeks old but so tiny. She had been born premature and her mother had decided she could not cope with the new baby and therefore wanted to sign for adoption. During her first few weeks with us Star remained quite small, but did start to pick up weight. I met with her mother, took her to court to sign her baby over for adoption, and then asked a million questions about her own life and Star's extended family, so that when she was older Star would be able to have some details about her birth family.

After Star was in our care for a few months, we began to be concerned about her. While she had picked up weight initially, she was now holding a steady weight and it was way below average for her age group. She also remained quite ill most of the time, on and off antibiotics for ear, nose, and respiratory infections. My friend and colleague, Steph, was out of the country on holiday for 6 weeks and during the first part of that break, Star's health took a turn for the worse. Our paediatrician came to our home to visit our kids and I brought her into the Dr, asking if there was anything we might be missing. As she was reviewing her file she did notice something missed. Star had tested HIV+, but for some reason her bloods had not been flagged as they normally are. No one was aware and she was a rapid progressor.

A few days later, Star stopped breathing in my arms. I put her baby seat in the front seat of my car and pinched her tiny thighs as I flew to the hospital to remind her to breathe when she would stop. I told the nurses I did not know her status... there is a tendancy to not fully treat a baby who is HIV+. She was released that same evening with meds for bronchial inflamation. When they had no effect over the next few days I rushed her back to the hospital. Our baby Star was admitted, a wasted version of herself from the month before. She wore a poly mask with oxygen flowing in at 15 liters per minute. Due to her status, she would not be intibated.

I prayed for a miracle. I prayed for her little body to be strong enough to fight its lung infection. She had to improve a little... the Doctors had done all they could do for her... oxygen, meds, and wait to see if she would start/keep fighting. I went to visit her everyday, praying for strength, for a change, for improvement, for peace as she was restless. She fought, but remained in this terrible condition for weeks. I talked to Steph who was in Canada and kept her updated on Star's condition. She hoped that Star would hang on at least until she was back in South Africa. Most days I was not sure she would.

But she did! She made it another week and another. She eventually even came off the poly mask and just had the "normal" progs through her nose. Steph arrived and then we would take turns sitting with her in hospital as much as we could squeeze it into each busy day. But then she got another infection. She began to have a runny tummy that would not stop and they could not find the source of the current infection. While she remained stable, she stopped eating properly and began to waste away again. Her brain became effected... her eyes would roll around and not always focus on you. I worried that HIV had won.

Here's a bit of honesty... I began to wonder what was best... do I pray for physical healing or Total healing? I asked the Lord at a time to please end her suffering... "If she's not going to survive this to please just take her home to Your loving arms now." Some amazing volunteers, a mother and daughter, arrived from Canada and they were desperate to see Star. The day before I was returning to the US for a 10 week stay we went for a visit and took Shirley and her daughter Kate-lyn. Don't judge me too harshly, but I thought I might be cuddling at my beautiful Star for the last time. Shirley, full of faith, prayed over her and whispered to Star that no, HIV was not going to win. She told her that she saw her a beautiful woman... she was going to survive. I turned my face away and wrestled with a surprizing amount of anger that rose from that statement. I hated watching our baby girl suffer!

But you know what... 7 months later, I come into work and greet this beautiful baby girl in the morning! She is amazing! Her health started to improve shortly after I was in the states last fall and she came home just a few weeks before I returned to South Africa. The first time I laid eyes on her gorgeous face I wept! Our little Star has taught me much about being a prayer warrior. I learned from her that I don't have to understand the Lord's plan, but He calls me to pray in Faith and without ceasing. I can never lose faith and I can never give up Hope... even when it may look bleak. Star beat the odds and survived. The Lord's plans are not always clear at times, but He IS ALWAYS GOOD.

The end of the story? We don't know. Her story goes on! When Star began her Anti-Retroviral Treatment her CD 4 (natural fighter cell) count was extremely low and her viral load was in the teens of millions! A second draw showed the viral load to have dropped to 77000, which was remarkable. As of last week, her viral load reads "Too Low to Detect". Can you believe it? Only God, friends! When you've lost Hope and you can't see what's around the corner, remember the courage and fighting spirit of our little Star, and look to the One who DOES see around the corner.

Love & Blessings,

Beth

Defending the weak & fatherless...

Today we admitted our 882nd baby into Door of Hope’s safe haven. At one year (to the day), our newest arrival weighs 100g less than she did the day she was born. For one hour today I sat across from this baby girl lying in her father’s arms, staring in disbelief as I watched her move only her eyes from side to side to follow the conversation. As we counseled her parents on how to make the right choices from today for their daughter, whether to consider adoption, foster care, etc... my arms ached to take this baby and run with her! With another child on the way, these parents were desperate to find help to look after this sweet girl, but I can’t help but wonder why it took so long to seek it! This child, who used to hold herself in sitting position, can now not even hold her own head. When I changed her nappy I counted every rib in her chest and tried to soothe her blistered bum. We’ve cleaned the wounds on her hands and ears where rats have begun to bite her. I believe she is loved by her parents and that is ultimately why they brought her to us today, but still I’m asking... how could they have let it get so bad?

I love the work the Lord has called me to. Every day is a gift (whether I realize it at the time or not), and I adore each and every tiny blessing He delivers to us. It is a day like today, though, that affirms and reaffirms the reason I am here, as difficult and as heart-wrenching as it can be - to “defend the weak and fatherless; to uphold the cause of the poor and oppressed. To rescue the weak and needy, and deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” Psalm 82: 3&4. Please keep our baby girl in your prayers and I’ll keep you posted on how she is doing. Steph has taken her to hospital now, where I hope they’ll sort out her emergent needs so that she can come home to us soon.

My toddlers continue to blossom, although I believe a lot has changed since I last updated you. Again, I need to keep the children't identities confidential and I am working on a system to help you know who's who. My little "Beauty" and our "Answer " were placed with their forever families while I was on leave in the states last Fall. I have only heard from "Answer’s" family, and she seems to be doing incredibly! My cheeky "Baldy" was returned to his family and I pray that things are going great for him as well. Just last week, our sassy "Gift" was also returned to her family! I am so pleased with this placement. The lady who will be her guardian seemed wonderful and "Gift" will actually be able to grow up with her 5 year old sister!

While I was in the states we admitted a 3 1/2 year old boy with special needs into our home. Due to some severe neglect, Arthur was a bit of a mess when he arrived but is developing beautifully now! Please be praying for him especially as he has a few hurtles to overcome. Puleng also joined the toddler group in December. He has been with us in the Big Babies department for a while and eventually outgrew it! Since his move, he has refined his walking skills and is even beginning to say a few words. "Trust" is well adjusted now and continues to grow wonderfully. He is so chatty! I love being able to carry on a conversation with my big boy now. "Treasure" is still a petite little baba, but he is keeping up with the rest of the bunch! He has quite a few words in his vocabulary now, but is sill mostly content to jibber jabber. I love sitting upstairs in my flat, listening to him chat downstairs. My "Happy" girl is the sunshine of my life! She is also saying quite a few words now, and is so silly! I love to pull into the driveway with Innocent after school and hear her calling me as I walk up the path, “Aba Bep!” My "Lucky" boy is my serious little man. He is so cheeky! He loves to be pursued... he’ll make you work for your smile, but its worth it every time!

And finally my "Virtue"... I just love my sweet 4 1/2 year old to pieces. I have now been with Door of Hope for just over one year and I have seen this boy grow from a depressed, insecure little boy who was wary of accepting love, to a happy, more secure little boy who races into your arms as soon as you come through the door. I love this child so much. Please be in prayer for him. His parents have stopped showing up for visits and it is hard for him. Please pray for grace as He deals with things and for wisdom as I help guide him through it.

While I was home in the Fall, I felt as though I were an expectant mom waiting on my own baby to arrive. The Lord had placed a baby boy on my heart and I began to pray for him and wait for him! When I arrived back in South Africa, I didn’t have to wait long... my boy, we'll call him J, made his entrance to this world on January 2nd and I brought him home from the hospital on the 4th! He is wonderful, and I love being his stand-in mommy for a while. He is supposed to be placed with his adoptive family in May and as much as it kills me to think of him leaving, please pray with me that things move on so that he can get home to his forever mommy and daddy.

Our baby houses are currently full, and we’ve only a few adoptions happening in the month of April! This is a big problem. We’ve referred about 2/3 of the babies that have come in over the last 2 months because we just don’t have the space for them. I’ll fill you in more on those circumstances with the next blog (which WILL be in the next few weeks), but for now please keep all our wee ones in your prayers.

Thanks for keeping up with all of us, and thanks for all you do to help this work go on, whether by prayer, funds, or moving to South Africa for a few months (my Leigh and her Dave). We are so blessed to have your support.

Love and blessings, Beth

Hello again, friends! It has been another busy, wonderful, and even really difficult few weeks since I last spoke with you. So many things change from week to week here that its often hard for me to keep up! 

DoH hit a major milestone this spring (fall for all you in the northern hemisphere), and last Saturday we celebrated its 10 year anniversary! We had a wonderful night. Over 350 guests

 attended a formal dinner, complete with entertainment, worship, commemorative speeches and slideshow presentations. It 

was such an incredible time of blessing the Lord, giving thanks to Him for each and every miracle we’ve taken in over the last 10 years! 816 babies have found refuge and love at DoH since August 1999. Steph and I took our 3 1/2 month old twins to the event as the guests of honor. They charmed everyone in the room, and I had the best looking little infant date in the world! Haha! Our Aunties were all in attendance and and my Anna made an appearance on a huge banner! My eyes teared when I saw my beautiful baby girl staring at me from the wall. Then I had to laugh because the verse that accompanied my bald little beauty was “... and the very hairs on your head are numbered...” I thought “well no matter how few, my love, the Lord knows each one!” It was so funny. 

Steph returned a week ago tomorrow! I cannot tell you the breath of fresh air she has been to me. It is a relief to know she is here and that I am no longer carrying all the weight I was formerly carrying. It has been a long 6 weeks and while this past week was not an easier one, it was just nice to share the load. Poor thing, though... as soon as her plan landed, she was back in full force! Please pray for her as she picks up where she left off, catches up on all our new arrivals, and prepares for my long leave from the ministry. Once upon a time, it seemed like a great idea to spend 10 week back in America, and while I am so looking forward to spending some quality time with family and friends I cannot imagine being away from this ministry and my sweet babies for so long. Anyway, aside from sharing the load again, I am really thrilled to have my friend back in the country!

We had another scare this week. Our tiniest baby boy stopped breathing on us Tuesday. I had taken 3 of our babies to the pediatrician for routine blood work and was to meet Steph with three other babies there. She was about 20 minutes late and I had this horrible nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. When I could no longer stand it, I gave her a call and found out that our little one had stopped breathing. He'd needed to be resuscitated a few times. Uncle Brise and Steph were thankfully there to perform CPR and the Lord kept our baby boy until he could be taken to hospital. He is there now, along with 3 other of our babies. Pneumonia has swept through our small babies department at Baby House 1, and our tiny ones are just not strong enough to fight it on their own. We have placed all the small babies on antibiotics and have taken three to hospital where they can receive oxygen as they recover. Please keep all these babies in your 

prayers- that we 

will stop the spread of sickness, and that these little ones in hospital will make a swift, full recovery. My baby girl with AIDS is unfortunately not doing very well. She had such a great week last week and then just as she was gaining strength, she was ht with a stomach bug and is battling again. She is no longer interacting with u and because of this and other abnormal behaviors we suspect the HIV is now affecting her brain. Again, healing comes in many ways, so I will pray for what I know is on its way, no matter the form it takes. Please pray with me for this sweet blessing- for  healing, for peace, and that in the meantime she can rest in our Lord’s loving arms.

In other departments, the babies are doing very well! We have had no  adoptions for two weeks and are not scheduled for another until the end of October. South Africa’s courts are taking leave during the month of October and while I respect their need for a break, I am really sad that our babies are having to wait to go home. Children’s homes continue to fill up with new arrivals and there are not enough adoptions to free up space! This is a BIG problem. I’ve already shared a bit about the small babies, and our big babies are just wonderful! Our two oldest little boys are so precious! They are peas in a pod, roaming the sitting/play room and getting into mischief! We’re dealing with eczema, runny tummies, and a scrawny little boy who doesn’t want to beef up for adoption, but otherwise every child is thriving! Smiles are turning to laughs, and laughs into chuckles... its precious.

Our starfish kids continue to make improvements! Our little girl with cerebral palsy continues to get stronger! She works hard during her exercises 3 times a day and even her physiotherapist cannot believe how far she has come! This baby is remarkable... I took another of these kids to have a final (hopefully) CT scan so that she can go for adoption in the next few months. She is a precious lamb, this girl. We left the house at 7, arrived in the X-ray dept. at 8, and sat waiting until 11! Our 2 children, who had not eaten anything since 10pm the night before, were so lovely and patient. After 4 and 5 tries getting their IVs placed, they gave both girls an oral medication to knock them out. I had to laugh... before it knocked her out, it made my 18 month old very silly. She was quite entertaining for a while and as soon as I saw her taking the long blinks, I cradled her in my arms and let her chew my necklace until she fell asleep. Please pray that these tests come back fine and she’ll receive a family soon!

Today was a public holiday so I got to spend the afternoon playing with my tots... I adore these children! I love all my babies, but these tots carry such a special place in my heart. My oldest little boy is my little sweetheart. Aside from a trip to the emergency room for stitches in his chin last weekend, he is doing very well! Like Auntie, like Inno... we have the exact same scar. Apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the foster tree. My “S” is as sweet and sassy as ever. Her speech improves more and more every day and it looks as though she may finally be able to go for adoption! I’m a little heartbroken that it will probably happen while I am away, but am so thrilled that she is on her way home. We are now potty training two of our little guys and they are just so funny! They are actually both doing very well now. “T” who has been training for not yet 2 weeks is already using the potty almost exclusively, while “C” is still not very interested. He did tell me yesterday that he needed to wee and that was a huge breakthrough! 

“K”, who moved from our starfish program a few months ago is still adjusting to life with the big kids. He is doing well, but I think he is easily overwhelmed. I have been getting some major smiles from him lately though, and am making sure to give him lots of love as he settles. “N” took his first steps last week! He is too cute, this boy! So far he can only step with the left foot, so he does this a few times (spinning in a little half circle) and  then falls to the ground. Haha! Before long he’ll be toddling as quickly as “Y”! She is doing wonderfully, and is now so fast on those chubby little feet. I love to watch her go. This little girl has the brightest, beaming countenance! Everyone is just captivated by her sweet smile. 

Our “E” is coming along so well. She is our latest addition to the Toddler House. I told you last week that she came to us older, but with very weak legs. She is now Mowgli crawling everywhere and is so much stronger! She responds to her assumed name and is a very happy little girl. This is a huge answer to prayer as she was placed in the bin at over one year old... the Lord is so very good.

While staying super busy with Steph looking after this crew, I am also making

 preparations to come home in just a little over 2 weeks. It is astonishing, really, how quickly time flies! I cannot believe I have been here now just over 7 months. During my stay in the US, I will be spending some quality time with friends and family, refueling for the next year of service in this ministry, and raising the financial and prayer support to do so. I'm making plans to speak in some of the churches in Bryson City, and hope to spread the word about what the Lord is doing in the lives of these tiny blessings! I’d love to get together with you while I’m home! Shoot me an email to bethmaennle@gmail.com and lets make a plan! 

I could just go on forever about my sweet little ones, but I’d like to not scare all my readers away with these short novels! Thank you for reading, thank you for your prayers & and thank you for your love and support.

Love and blessings,

Auntie Beth

Hi friends! I hope you’ve all enjoyed a beautiful summer! We’ve gone from winter to the kind of summer I’m used to over the last two weeks, even though we’ve just barely begun spring! All my babies are now in lightweight vests, shorts, t-shirts, and sun dresses... so precious. I apologize for the lack of updates over the last... wow, 2 months! Our baby care manager, Steph, has been on a well-earned holiday in Canada, where she’s from and it’s been a little hectic around here since since her departure. If I’d have considered us busy before she left, I’m not sure there’s a word for the events of the last few weeks since. 

Things are going very well in each of our departments: Small Babies, Big Babies, Toddlers, and Starfish- our program for children with special needs. We have been fighting illness lately, but so far we’ve managed to keep everyone healthy! That is a miracle in itself! The Lord has surely been watching over us all. Our small babies are becoming big babies to make room for all the new arrivals we’ve had in the last few weeks! In the 3 weeks since Steph left we’ve had so many new ones that our small babies department is almost completely new! I fetched our latest small one just last night and there are few things I’d rather do than chill out with a tiny baby curled up in my arms. I love loving these sweet ones.  

Our big babies department is also constantly changing. They are enjoying the sun we’ve been having as its enabled them to have lots of playtime outside! I’ve enjoyed spending some extra time in this department, getting to know these kids better. It is so full of chatter and laughing out loud (and the occasional scream as well, of course)! One of our babies just discovered his giggle about a week ago! I was laughing so hard watching him discover his hysterical laugh! It is such a blessing to be part of these precious moments. 

Our Starfish kids are little miracles! I love watching the Lord work in these lives... He is doing wonderful things! I just want to share a quick testimony about one of our kids. Nomthandazo has severe cerebral palsy. When she came to us, she was stiff and straight as a board, and could not relax any of her muscles. The only part of her body that would move was her neck and she had no control over it. She had been in hospital for months and was so badly deformed that they thought many of her joints had been dislocated due to the over-flexing of certain muscles. We started her immediately in physiotherapy, and you would not believe this is the same child! She can now bend to a sitting position! Her hips, knees and feet, which were so deformed, are now aligning and she can move them on her own! She can turn her head from side to side, and has even started bring her hands up to her face! This baby girl is a miracle... the Lord is doing great things in her, and she is already telling the world around her how amazing is her Heavenly Father!

We have had at least one adoption every week for the past month 

and a half. I still feel so incredibly blessed to be part of this work each time I see a mommy and daddy meet their new little one. One amazing event that occurred two weeks ago was that I got to place my sweet Anna into her forever mommy’s arms. The weekend before she left, I took my girl out to buy a nice adoption outfit and spent as much quality time with her as my schedule would allow. Her adoption went beautifully, and I managed to finish the baby book I had been making for her! When the time had come to match her with a family, one picture of her adoptive father made the decision. He was smiling at the camera with exact same smile I had been falling in love with every day since Anna’s arrival. The Lord amazes me... who would have thought a beautiful, dark, African baby could so resemble her adult, fair-skinned, Swedish father? I was amazed. Both of her parents are so wonderful. I have seen the family once (briefly) since her adoption day (an unusual surprise!) and I can see that she is home. I miss that girl... I can’t imagine possibly never cuddling that chubby bunny again, but the Lord is good and He is helping me to cope. We love them to life and send them home... a privilege but bitter sweet, you know? 

Along with all the joy we’ve experienced over the last 2 months, we’ve also dealt with a bit of heartbreak as well. Just after I wrote you the last update, we had a baby fall terribly ill. She had been sickly since her arrival and had just never been able to thrive. She had, of course, been loved and cared for, doted on by her aunties, and had been treated with antibiotics pretty steadily throughout the 7 weeks of her stay here. She started really battling to breath, and before tests were in, she passed away in our home Monday morning, the 3rd of August. It was extremely difficult at first, for me to accept her death. I tried so hard to wrap my brain around the whys and the what ifs. I struggled to understand the purpose in her 10 week life span. The Lord put his loving arms around me and allowed me to question Him in my grief. I don’t understand the ways of my Lord, but I trust in His goodness. He took His little one home to be with Him where she is now free from sickness and living Life! We’re all so blessed to have been able to know and love her while she was here. 

We have also been battling with another one of our tinies, and found out only a few days ago that she has full blown AIDS. She is in the hospital right now, recovering from pneumonia. I’ve been fighting with this baby girl for a while now. A few weeks ago, she stopped breathing in my arms and I raced her to the emergency room. I prayed the whole way that the Lord would keep her, and by His grace we made it to the ER. She received treatment, but has just not gotten any better. Born prematurely, she did not have a great immune system to start with, so the HIV+ took control very quickly. We have started her on ARVs and hope to see her improve well enough to bring her home soon. We are not set up to handle babies with HIV/AIDS so right now we are having to look at moving her to another home. People who are HIV positive are now able to outlive us all due to healthy living and medication (gifts from the Lord). It is my prayer that the Lord will make her strong enough to fight this terrible curse of a disease. Please be praying for this little one... 

My tots... are thriving! They are so incredible. It has been a month of firsts- 2 first birthdays, first steps, first trips to the emergency room... not all good firsts, but milestones nonetheless! We are now 8 at the toddler house- five boys, three girls. Our newest arrival came just last week through the bin. She is a big girl, but we were left no information about her. I had the privilege of giving her a name, Eliana, and she was given a new birthdate last Tuesday. Although we think it is likely that she is a year old, she was given an age of 10 months because she is a bit weak in the legs. She is getting stronger already and I hope she’ll be on the move as fast as the rest of our tots in no time. Every school day I load my two oldest kids in the car, and as soon as I turn the car on I hear my favorite request, “Auntie can you please put on Dancing Queen?” That’s right! They love Dancing Queen! Recently I turned my camera on in the car and pointed it towards my boy. Not only did he sing the song, but he gave his best performance to date! It was my lucky day! So precious... all of them are growing well, hitting their milestones, and thriving. A great feeling I am recently experiencing is the joy of noticing little snotty gifts left by my children just above knee height on my trousers every morning. It’s gross, to be sure, but those gifts are always left when the kids come running to receive their morning hugs from Auntie Beth... so I’m just going to enjoy it! 

I used a few more words than I had planned, but I hope you’ve enjoyed all this news. Please keep us in you prayers, and I look forward to sending you some more information soon. Thanks for your love, thanks for your support in every way it’s given.

Love & blessings,

Auntie Beth